i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
