I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
