you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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