why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
