After last night, I could never be a politician.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize