I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
