I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
