His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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