in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
