Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
