I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
