My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
