Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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