dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If I had your ass I would rule the world
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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