didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Holy shit dude........stairs
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
