I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
how drunk are you?
Several
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
