So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
