Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
