I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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