Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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