is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
