pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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