some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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