omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I didn't notice because vodka
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
