I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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