Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
BRING THE BAGELS
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
