All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
