He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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