my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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