I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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