i permit you to call me
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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