She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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