you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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