FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
