Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
