My hair reeks of homosexuality.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
