I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
