A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
