if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
