I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
