She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
