the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
