I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
