im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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