Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
