It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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