My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
