I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
