he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
