why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
