..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
