So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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