So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
