Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
