My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
