It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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