we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
