did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
