I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
