I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
