apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I should be sponsored by Trojan
tonight lets celebrate not being married
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
