Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
