meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
