Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
