dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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