bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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