I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
