my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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