Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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