just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
