New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
