i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
