i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
