My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
